Be The Change
Mentoring with a Difference
By Mahesh Grossman
My mother was a foster child.
My "Grandma" Ida and "Grandpa" Jack were her foster parents. They were honored guests at her wedding, and my mother visited them at least twice a year with her kids while we were growing up.
Mom kept in touch with them for their entire lives.
But the truth was that my mother was their foster child—not their adopted daughter. And there’s a vast difference between those two roles.
I discovered that for myself in my early teens. During my Grandpa Jack’s funeral, the rabbi mentioned that he was survived by his wife, Ida, and his son, Jerry. My mother wasn’t mentioned at all. My heart broke for her.
But compared to many, my mom was lucky. Jack and Ida Steinberg stayed in her life long after she became an adult. When she needed to, she stayed with them and could turn to them for advice.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many of the 25,000 teens who "age out" of the U.S. foster-care system each year. When they turn 18, no adult from their childhood helps them—not financially, or, more importantly, not emotionally.
That may partly explain why less than half the youth in foster care finish high school. Only 13 percent start college, and of those, less than one out of six actually graduates.
They aren’t making it in the workplace, either. One year after leaving foster care, only 38 percent of former foster children are employed.
That’s why the late Joseph Rivers, a former foster youth from the Syracuse area, started the Orphan Foundation of America (OFA).
“Joseph was a pioneer in this field,” says Eileen McCaffrey, the executive director of OFA. “No one had previously talked about older foster kids.”
Rivers’ original vision was to recruit mentors for foster children when they turned 17. These mentors would teach them how to open a checking account, get an apartment, and manage their money.
Eventually, OFA started a scholarship program for 25 youths per year. But as McCaffrey points out, “Funds aren’t enough. They need people cheering for them and to help them figure out all the large and small issues they are grappling with.”
With the advent of the Internet, OFA started a virtual mentoring program for their scholarship recipients and for current and former foster youth who are involved in an independent living program that partners with OFA. The independent living programs that partner with OFA reach out to foster youth to let them know about the program.
The program is called vMentor (for "virtual mentor"). If you’re over 25, you can apply to be a mentor at www.vmentor.com. vMentors make a two-year commitment to e-mail their mentees on a weekly basis. All mentoring is done online using a secure Web site, and all e-mails are monitored for the safety of the participants.
Currently, there are 380 young adults matched with vMentors and hundreds more who would like to be matched. There is a particular need for support from African American and Latino men.
Mentors receive training before and throughout the process as they work with their mentees on concerns like goal-planning, choosing classes, picking a career, and sharing advice on how to succeed in school and at work.
The program has a significant impact on the lives of the young people who participate. Research shows that OFA youth graduate from college at three times the rate of other independent students because of the support vMentors offer them.
One mentee, Julie, is thankful to receive the support other students are blessed with from their parents. “I feel as if I have somebody out there who cares about me,” she says. “Someone whom I can share my A’s with; someone to write to while my laundry is getting done. It feels like someone back home. Even though I know I don’t have a home.”
— Mahesh Grossman is the author of Write a Book Without Lifting a Finger and the upcoming 101 Ways You Can Help the World Using the Internet.
Share your success and inspire others to Be The Change. Contact Mahesh Grossman at getpublished@authorsteam.com.
